I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize