I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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