Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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