Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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