I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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