beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
