Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
