just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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