how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
