i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
