Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
