i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
