I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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