I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
