I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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