i just google imaged poop.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
