how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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