farters have to be the big spoon...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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