It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
