i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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