So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
