im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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