YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
