So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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