Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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