you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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