Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
