I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
