You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
