Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out