I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway