I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.