saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.