Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved