Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
