First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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