Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
