how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
