We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
