so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
