What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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