is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
