Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
