A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He did a backflip because drugs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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