Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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