This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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