We won't sleep together?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
