Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
