Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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