yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
