Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
