Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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