I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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