sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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