A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
