I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
