i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
