Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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