Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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