and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
