pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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