the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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