sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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